RED WINE HAIKU

Wine reviews as poetry in haiku form by Lane Steinberg. For oenophiles & everyone else...

Here's the backstory:

My elderly Junior High School English teacher, Miss Gimpel, introduced me to haiku. I had a real fondness for her, but her enthusiasm for haiku didn't make much of an impression on me. My earliest memory of drinking red wine is sharing a bottle of Night Train with a dishwasher at the summer camp where I worked as a waiter. I didn't like that much, either. But now, years later, it seems to me that haiku is the perfect vehicle to encapsulate all aspects of red wine, from the mysteriously sublime to the numbingly mundane. These haikus provide a quick blast of an impression without getting too specific. If the haikus are good, you should be able to taste them in your mind. Disclaimer: Why only red? The renowned critic Harry Waugh once said it was wine's obligation to be red. I like white wine just fine, but red's my drink. Technical notes: I buy all bottles except for the odd gift from a friend. No decks are stacked for or against. For the purposes of this website, all haikus are strict 5-7-5 syllables per line. That way the playing field is level for all.

I will post periodically, adding to the existing list from the top down.

If you would like haikus to show up in your mailbox as they get published, shoot me an email & I'll put your name on the mailing list.

USA TODAY writes about TRWHR! Holy Haiku!

Wine Haikus
All material copyright control by Lane Steinberg (lanealla@nyc.rr.com). Original post 01/05

336) Gnarley Head Old Vine Zin 2005 (California)

Noticeably soft

Firm in its forward intent

A stroll arm in arm

335) Marques De Borba Alentejo 2005 (Portugal)

There's fruit here somewhere

Because the damn stuff's purple

But I can't find it

334) Palestra Duoro Vino Tinto (Portugal)

Completely charming

I smile after each sip

then take another

333) Chateau Puynormond Montagne St.-Emilion 2004 (France)

No first date kisses

Just a peck on the second

But you hang in there

332) Conte di Bregonzo Amarone 2004

Even more raisins

to stuff inside your saddle

for the journey back

331) Layer Cake Shiraz 2006 (Austarlia)

I hate the label

It's an alcoholic mess

The fruit's only good

330) Biondi Santi Brunello di Montalcino 1985 (Italy)

Words sometimes fall short

And instead stand in mute awe

Unfit for the task

329) Cantalupi Conti Zecca Negramaro 2004 (Italy)

Vanilla syrup

That dries all it's poured over

Adoring rivers

328) William Hill Merlot 2003 (California)

You feel it working

Digging itself in the glass

The shine's a fake one

327) Chateau Simard St. Emilion 1995 (France)

Special lovlieness

Warm caramel in the mouth

A bracing goodbye

326) Lyeth Meritage 2004 (California)

Something cloying here

Too much like a lollipop

A red, diet one

325) Red Rock Merlot 2005 (California)

Frogs on lily pads

Not moving, but not sinking

Familiar domain

324) Prospero Merlot 2001 (California)

Holds its alcohol

Like a world-class drinking champ

with a light spirit

323) Bonterra Vineyards Merlot 2004 (California)

A cranky old man

Spent his life with burning leaves

That melted his heart

322) Cigarzin Zinfandel 2005 (California)

If it's a cigar

Then it's a Tiparillo

Sweet, thin, little else

321) Mad Dogs & Englishmen Shz/Cab/Mnstrl 2005 (Spain)

Nice marketing, guys!

Firm as a juicy dog bone

With meat hanging off

320) Agustos Carmenere Reserve 2004 (Chile)

Full, fat, & happy

Walks with a heavy swagger

Pays for your dinner

319) Vina Requingua Puerto Viejo Cabernet 2006 (Chile)

I thought of go-carts

Racing downhill without brakes

Headed for trouble

318) Mahler-Besse Taja Reserva 2003 (Spain)

Jumilla must be

Some sort of rare paradise

Where it rains purple

317)Block 50 Merlot 2005 (Australia)

The friendly stranger

Who points you to the right road

brightening your day

316)Zarafa Pinotage 2007 (South Africa)

It's the only grape

I can pick out every time

And this one's a steal

315) Chateau Pesquie 'Les Terrasses' 2004 (France)

Knew when the cork popped

And smoked cherries filled the room

I picked a winner

314) Le Pavillon Du Chateau Beauchene 2004 (France)

It's how you say, 'merde'

Or urine from a berry

Complete waste of time

313) Santa Rita Reserva Cabernet 2005 (Chile)

Didn't taste quite right
Then it did its ju-jitsu

And snapped into place

312) Finca La Linda Bonarda 2006 (Argentina)

Some wines are women

This is not one of those wines

Tall, dark, & handsome

311) Tormaresca Negroamaro/Cabernet 2003 (Italy)

It fakes out sweetness

And holds back a sultry kiss

until your throat winks

310) Senorio de Balboa 2005 (Spain)

Nothing amazing

but a fulsome grip of grape

Possessing essence

309) The Stump Jump Grenache/Syrah/Mourvedre 2004 (Australia)

An impatient spring

Flower petals opening

Under threat of snow

308) Molly Dooker Two Left Feet Shiraz Blend 2006 (Australia)

Stunning purple teeth

A stained shirt without the work

Modern farmer's trick

307) D'Agostini 'Bin 55' Cabernet NV (California)

Don't tell me your age

And I promise I won't guess

Your smile is mine

306) Juan Gil Monastrell 2005 (Spain)

Smiling hand grenade

Held firm inside a head shake

And laughing, 'Ka-boom'

305) Nando Gattinara 1998 (Italy)

This one's a lady

Almost too tall in high heels

Then she kicked them off

304) Down Under Cabernet 2002 (Australia)

Yesterday's papers

Alone on a dusty shelf

Only good news here

303) Spinner Red Merlot 2002 (California)

Amped up, tinkered with

Cherry coke in a barrel

A guilty pleasure

302) Bon Cap Organic Syrah 2004 (South Africa)

Boring as tofu

Even more stultifying

A paint commercial

301) Perry Creek ZinMan Zinfandel 2004 (California)

Warmly delicious

A virtual fireplace

Just need the big dog

300!!) Sangenis I Vaque Vall Por Priorat 2001 (Spain)

You'll need a seat belt

If you want to ride with this

Faint hearts be forewarned!

299) Vinakoper Prestige Merlot 2001 (Slovenia)

A well-kept secret

Bespeaking whispers softly

With a French accent

298) Josephine Dubois Grand Reserve Pinot Noir 2004 (France)

We're out of candy

But we have pencil shavings

Mixed up with some dirt

297) Leasingham Clare Valley Magnus Shiraz Cabernet 2003 (Australia)

The down under blend

As giddy as a showgirl

With stars in her eyes

296) Chateau LaFleur Saint-Christophe 2003 (France)

A swollen swallow

Flaps a wing and wobbles forth

The first bird to burp

295) Bella Sera Chianti 2006 (Italy)

Yes, I held my nose

But I remembered its roots

And it loved dinner

294) Domaine Monte De Luz Syrah 2005 (Uruguay)

The Rhone expression

Which surprised me early on

Makes sense to me now

293) Marchesi di Montecristo Nerollo Del Bastardo 2000 (Italy)

Shy of the nine-nine

That lovely wine rocked harder

Longer eyelashes

292) Berco Do Infante Reserva 2005 (Portugal)

A five buck winner

May it spout forth from all taps

World covered purple

291) Yellow Tail The Reserve Shiraz 2005 (Australia)

Special breed of tail

Black boots trudge through rich red fruit

A waddle that works

290) Mirassou Pinot Noir 2006 (California)

"Nice day, isn't it?"

"Sure is. Hope it stays this way"

"Yep, I sure hope so"

289) Santa Carolina Reserva Cabernet 2006 (Chile)

Like a movie where

You wait to be entertained

And you fall asleep

288) Chateau Des Graviers D'Ellies Grand Cru 1999 (France)

OK, a bad year

But this is thin like Paris

A bleached blonde heiress

287) Frazzitta Nero D'Avola 2002 (Italy)

Big time bottle funk

Nearly spilled the damn thing out

Patience served me well

286) Domaine Moureou Madiran 2002 (France)

One-dimensional

Thought I tasted marzipan

Only a mirage

285) Casillero del Diablo Carmenere 2005 (Chile)

Fat swipes of cocoa

Lead thick lines of deep flavors

Seamlessly blended

284) Brown Brothers Tarrango 2005 (Australia)

A white in red's clothes

Went great with Indian food

Pointless by itself

283) Poggio Al Tufo Rompicollo 2004 (Italy)

"Slide, slide, you bastard!"

And he was safe at third base

Still, he could not score

282) Proyetco 4 2000 (Spain)

Starts like weird Pinot

Finishes off like good tea

Spanish cross-dresser

281) Meridian Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 (California)

Freshest on day three

Spinning ever sweeter fruit

That never annoyed

280) Whitehaven Marlborough Pinot Noir 2005 (New Zealand)

Interest bloomed slowly

Simple sturdy street flower

Fondly beckoned back

279) Cheapskate Miser Meritage 2004 (California)

I can taste the fun

That's all that really matters

Beach time memory

278) Lindemans Pyrus Coonwara 2003 (Australia)

Dance at the chalkboard

An Aussie slap on the back

From a sweet teacher

277) Valreas 'Cuvee Prestige' Cotes Du Rhones Villages 2005 (France)

Keeps coming at you

Like a highbrow middle-weight

Up from every blow

276) Worthy Napa Valley Cabernet 2003 (California)

Oh, let's not be coy

Way more than merely worthy

It's just desserts

275) Rosenblum Zinfandel Vintners Cuvee XXIX NV (California)

Like Pa's bathtub stash

Its focus ain't on flavor

Prelude to date rape

274) Marques Casa Concha Cabernet 2004 (Chile)

Perfect fruit fallen
Rain from the purple planet

Deceptively right

273) Domaine Bibian Madiran 1996 (France)

I love old women

Listening to their stories

Smelling their perfume

272) Domaine d'Amarran Faugeres 1998 (France)

This has a mustache

And smokes lousy cigarettes

Say hi, keep walking

271) Mollydooker 'The Maitre D' Cabernet 2005 (Australia)

Newfoundland puppy

Tearing up the furniture

Love it to pieces

270) Chateau Ste. Michelle Cabernet 2002 (Washington)

Amply proportioned

Warm toasted bell-pepper blast

No funk to be found

269) Clos Du Bois Reserve Cabernet 2003 (California)

Feels a bit cranked out

Though a light touch is noticed

Could use some horse shit

268) Terroir Du Trias Beaumes de Venise 1999 (France)

Rip-snorting beauty

As subtle as a knife fight

Lamp shade on her head

267) Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Alexander Valley 2003 (California)

It's a sweetie pie

A panting dog licks your face

He just wants your love

266) A Mano Primitivo 2005 (Italy)

Fresh as a daisy

I mean Daisy, the stripper

Sweet, racy, & loud

265) Monasterio de Santa Ana Monastrell 2004 (Spain)

I think this one's corked

Though not bad enough to spill

I will try again

264) Crozes Hermitage Domaine de Thalabert 2001 (France)

Like the French waiter

Who has served thousands of meals

A job done, no more

263) Vina Borgia Grenache 2005 (Spain)

It's like a comma

Slowing the pace between words

A comfortable fit

262) Peachy Canyon Zinfandel 2005 (California)

First it's a rough beard
Air acts as a lubricant

Then the shave goes smooth

261) Mirassou Merlot 2004 (California)

A shameful disgrace

Like dressing up a monkey

As a prostitute

260) Apollononio Salice Salentino Rosso 2001 (Italy)

Funky river ride

In a white cigarette boat

Speed for scenery

259) Chateau Les Grandes Mottes 1995 (France)

A strong little dick

Pissing into the sunshine

Too fresh to be old

258) Petit Paris Bergerac Bordeaux 2005 (France)

Short of amazing

But a damn sort of tight fun

Super type of steal

257) Martin & Weyrich Insieme Paso Robles 2001 (California)

All over the map

Snapping the right place just fine

Hugs its own shoulders

256) Joseph Drouhin Laforet Bourgogne 2005 (France)

The surging hormones

Memories of youth released

A lump in my throat

255) La Buxynoise Reserve Bourgogne 2004 (France)

Insipid & thin

Cheap Burgundy most often

Is a must-avoid

254) Hahn Estates Meritage 2004 (California)

It's Jekyll & Hyde

Preening oak on the first night

Sweetness on the next

253) Luzon Verde Jumilla 2005 (Spain)

I waited for this

To regain some of its nerve

Shell covers the snail

252) Nederburg Shiraz 2004 (New Zealand)

A little bretty

Thought I was drinking some 'tage

Has a good, strong push

251) Trellis Los Carneros Cabernet 2002 (California)

Sweet, rich, & juicy

Swinging clear with light flavors

Satisfaction's kiss

250) Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 (California)

A textbook bottle

Sings like a purple whistle

Through evening's cool sting

249) Sebeka Shiraz 2006 (South Africa)

Lacking character

Though it has a nice richness

Funky filtered out

248) Chateau Pavie St. Emilion Grand Cru 1986 (France)

Drinking good Bordeaux
Always the experience

The hype is well earned

247) Masi Classico Amarone 1979 (Italy)

Riding a stallion

Through a harvest at full speed

Dragging furniture

246) Vosne-Romanee 1er Cru Les Suchots 1996 (France)

Like the final chord

Of Mahler's 9th symphony

A fade to silence

245) A-Mano Primitivo 2003 (Italy)

I know DNA

Says that this is Zinfandel

But I'm unconvinced

244) McWilliams Coonawarra Shiraz 2000 (Australia)

Good Aussie Shiraz

Call it high-end generic

Rich folk nursing home

243) Ravenswood Lodi Old Vine Zinfandel 2004 (California)

Liked it quite a lot

Though missing a bit of spine

Small head, lots of hair

242) Ecco Domani Merlot 2005 (Italy)

Deeply offensive

Not bad, just insidious

Quick Nestle for dupes

241) Protocolo Red Wine 2004 (Spain)

Always a mainstay

A first flush for neophytes

And fine thereafter

240) Lancaster Estate Alexander Valley Red Wine 2000 (California)

Though a kiss so soft

Her eyes do look beyond mine

And I'm left alone

239) Domaine De La Chaponne Morgon Beaujolais 2002 (France)

Who would ever think

This could age so gracefully?

Ugly duck's revenge

238) Chateau Coucy St. Emilion 2000 (France)

Trickle down theory

A rising tide lifts all yachts

Mick says, "Let it breathe"

237) Familia Sanchez Tempranillo/Syrah 2005 (Spain)

A firm fiesta

On a feather-filled mattress

Soft as her pillows

236) Rock Rabbit Syrah Central Coast 2003 (California)

I'm diggin' this grape

When it swings a west coast vibe

Cool vanilla groove

235) Santa Rita Medalla Real Cabernet 2002 (Chile)

Always a pleasure

Cute, funny, then serious

Looks great the next day

234) MacMurray Central Coast Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Nursing home pinot

Blue haired ladies, plastic cups

Half-eaten meat loaf

233) Don Miguel Gascon Malbec 2005 (Argentina)

Rain-soaked tumbleweeds

Fruit that's fallen to the ground

Money left for food

232) Sassoregale Maremma Toscana 2003 (Italy)

Really rough out front

Nasty Robitussin notes

Better left unsung

231) Santa Rita Casa Real Cabernet 1999 (Chile)

Mountain-top evening

Soaking in a million lights

Dark satin goddess

230) Black Mountain Vineyard Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Lovely in the mouth

And the faint glint of mushrooms

Kiss my risotto

229) Michael Sullberg Reserve Merlot 2005 (California)

It's like a long word

Missing a letter or two

Understandable

228) Graham Beck 'The William' Cab/Pinotage 2001 (South Africa)

Rubber hits the road

Gets stuck in a grape filled ditch

In time we were free

227) Da Vinci Chianti Classico 2003 (Italy)

Perfect companion

And a loving compliment

To this evening's meal

226) Petite Rousse Syrah 2004 (California)

Pink label & taste

Of fresh Florida grapefruits

Simple as sunshine

225) Lokoya Mount Veeder Cabernet 2003 (California)

Still a quite bit tight

But ride the spearmint saddle

And loosen your mind

224) Lokoya Howell Mountain Cabernet 2003 (California)

It's opti-mystic

Bright words from a 'can do' sage

American blood

223) Lokoya Diamond Mountain Cabernet 2003 (California)

Berry jangle jumps

Through a hoop of a sunrise

A swinger's breakfast

222) Bella Sera Pinot Noir 2005 (Italy)

Cheaper than bagged dirt

It's actually delicious

Faith in life restored

221) Indaba Shiraz 2005 (South Africa)

More jolted cola

But the balance is just right

Great with stale peanuts

220) Sordo Dolcetto D'Alba 2001 (Italy)

Italy's cradle

Mystery of history

Its path knows no trend

219) Yalumba Shiraz(93%) + Viognier(7%) 2004 (Australia)

A renegade blend

Seven per cent solution

Big, bright pair of bells

218)Khvanchkara Semi-Sweet Red Wine NV (Georgia)

Like diet candy,

Sweet for a good long moment

Then it falls apart

217)Tuscan Moon Sangiovese 2005 (California)

Ditzy silliness

Dull cow eyes and a fat bump

Laugh on sloppy trains

216)Magnus Clare Valley Shiraz/Cabernet 2002 (Australia)

Cab's front & center

Shiraz softens the focus

Blend's fine example

215) Marquis Phillips Cabernet 2005 (Australia)

It ain't elegant

But this balls-forward style

Will soon be the norm

214) Fueudo Zirtari 2004 (Sicily)

A funky top side

Never lets the fruit arrive

And drums ring hollow

213)Ravenswood 2002 Sonoma County "Icon" Syrah (California)

Nice fat piece of glass

Filled with ripe and placid juice

'Tween Aussie & Rhone

212)Guenoc Langtry Meritage 1998 (California)

Just keep on swirling

Until you can't feel your wrist

Trust me, it's worth it.

211)Gallo Dry Creek Valley Zinfandel 1999 (California)

I arrived too late

This patient's on life support

Its golden years lost

210) Chateau Michel De Vert 2004 (France)

About to slam this,

I drank a glass the next day

And took back my curse

209)Turning Leaf Pinot Noir Reserve 2005 (California)

I tell my best jokes

She refuses to smile

So I keep trying

208)Gallo Sonoma Reserve Cabernet 2003 (California)

Sweet, tart, full of fruit

All the rough edges sawed off

It's agreeable

207) Old Moon Old Vine Zinfandel 2005 (California)

Zin, you're my hero

Your ripe, cheapo goodness crowns

This sweet golden age

206) Williams Selyem Pinot Noir 2002 (California)

The Hall of Mirrors

Shards of flavored reflections

Alive and wild

205) Vallana Spanna Del Piemonte 1955 (Italy)

Needs some help to walk
But she has some great stories

And her eyes sparkle

204) Heitz Cellar Martha's Vineyard Cabernet 1984 (California)

Bliss-filled perfection

A resonance of rightness

That mirrors the soul

203) Cordier Chateau Andron 2000 (France)

Reminds me of 'Cats'

The show, not the animal

Andrew Lloyd Weber

202) Bridlewood Estate Reserve Shiraz 2002 (California)

A bit new age-y

Fruity adult lollipop

In a catcher's mitt

201) Molly Dooker 'The Boxer' Shiraz 2005 (Australia)

A laughing monster

Rip roaring fat & muscle

Hundred pound baby

200) Gristina Merlot 2000 (Long Island)

A sweet, windswept thing

Long Island October chill

Route for the home team

199)Vale Da Torre 2004 (Portugal)

Wine from Portugal

Is a unique animal

This one barks a bit

198) McPherson Murray Darling Merlot 2003 (Australia)

Fills the mouth quickly

And feels healthy going down

Leisure Set sports drink

197)McPherson Reserve Shiraz Goulburn Valley 2000 (Australia)

Expected Smuckers

Got a moody Rhone instead

Dying with whispers

196) McPherson Murray Darling Cabernet 2003 (Australia)

A nice, cheapo Cab

Australian wine always winks

This one smiles, too

195) McPherson Murray Darling Shiraz 2003 (Australia)

Fun vertical fruit

Turkish delight & kool aid

Melted popsicle

194)Marchesi di Montecristo Nerollo Del Bastardo 1999 (Italy)

Man, this is fun stuff

A playful bastard, in truth

One that time allows

193) Mark West Pinot Noir 2004 (California)

I had a bad mood

A lousy headache all day

Slowly, this cured me

192) Marquis Phillips Shiraz '9' 2004 (Australia)

It's fat as a cow

Barbecued chocolate malted

Youth that never was

191) Bridlewood Syrah Central Coast 2003 (California)

A rat in a bag

Seduced by pinholes of light

Sensing the freedom

190)Tentimenti Conti Nori Vaipolicella 'Ripasso' 2002 (Italy)

A steady handshake

From an intriguing stranger

I'll know her better

189)Anapamu Syrah 2001 (California)

Fat-filled bacon smoke

A tad wobbly post-swallow

But rich & tender

188)Marquis Phillips Syrah 2004 (Australia)

Octopus painter

Chocolate tentacle brushstrokes

Ink stains the palette

187)Valpacos Santa Valha Vinho Tinto 2003 (Portugal)

Awful at the first

Triamenic & cabbage

Sunset tried to help

186)Castano Monastrell 2004 (Spain)

Wants to be better

But no barrel to crawl from

Snail without a shell

185)Condesa de Sarabella 2004 (Spain)

If global warming

can yield such luscious ripeness

Is the melt all bad?

184)Da Vinci S. to Ippolito (Merlot/Syrah) 2001 (Italy)

It's the tender trap

A lovely constellation

of Spearmint sparkles

183)Zarafa Pinotage 2004 (South Africa)

Spiced pumpernickel

With a dark chocolate chaser

from a rubber cup

182)Archeo Nero d'Avola 2004 (Italy)

Laughing fun for all

Far from the ancient ruins

Nero's light shines bright

181) Four Vines Zinfandel 'Old Vine Cuvee' 2003 (California)
Advice for parents:

Pull the cork from baby's mouth

Let it breathe a bit

180)Manina Carmenere 2004 (Chile)

When seven slim bucks

Can buy glass filled with such class

It's a golden age

179) Jason's Vineyard Merlot 1999 (Long Island, NY)

I didn't expect

The Right Bank on the North Fork

Someone out there cares

178)Conte di Bregonzo Amarone 2003 (Italy)

Raisins & cherries

Swimming deep into the mouth

Caressing the throat

177) Quinta dos Aciprestes "Tinto" Duoro 2003 (Portugal)

A soft slam bang up

From the Portuguese wine store

Joys of life in Queens

176)Heartland Wirrega Shiraz 2001 (Australia)

A bit bigger grape

And the alcohol police

Would have no complaints

175)Coturri Estate Zinfandel 2001 (California)

Smells sweet like shellac

And tastes like LBV port

Way different, way cool

174)Magnificent Wine Co. House Wine 2003 (Washington)
Sweet country mouthful
Boutique batch trumps the big boys
Worth the long goose chase

172)Paringa Cabernet 2003 (Australia)
Batty from the fruit
Lab wine getting tedious
No funk makes me sad

171)Santa Rita Reserva Merlot 2002 (Chile)
It's thick and oily
Nose like horse and a new couch
Fatty Arbuckle

170)Royal Zin Cuvee Royall Zinfandel 'NV' (California)

This wine is a slut

Only one thing on her mind
And she's good at it

169)Cairanne Domaine Terrasses Du Belvedere 2003 (France)

Tasted like weird cheese

Left it alone for four days

Then it was perfect

168)Coppola Rosso 2003 (California)

Back & forth on this

Rich with sweet, fat promises

But nose poor and dumb

167)Dancing Bull Merlot 2003 (California)

Oh, Mr. Goodfruit

Standing up in the bottle

Make my roast beef sing

166) Fairview Pinotage 2002 (South Africa)

Grapey on the nose

Fresh, fruity, slight ghost of cheese

Better than it sounds

165) Orleans Hill Cote Zero Organic 2003 (California)

Delciously clean

Humble and in the pocket

Good vibes all around

164) Berberana Dragon Tempranillo 2000 (Spain)

Fingers of flavor

Almost form a complete hand

If not for shy fruit

163)Deboeuf Julienas 2002 (France)
Fun tuck & roll here
Fruity kisses turning tart
Time showed the wiser

162)Deboeuf Julienas 2004 (France)
In 2003
You dazzled us at the ball
Now you're a pumpkin

161)Ercavio Tempranillo Roble 2003 (Spain)
A bit of bone here
Snapping happy castinets
Wish they were wood ones

160)Mesta Tempranillo 2004 (Spain)
Not much I can say
About tonight's selection
A yawn & a snooze

159)Pont d'Avignon Cotes Du Rhone 2003 (France)
That puppy you bought
Peed on the brand new carpet
One day he'll grow up

158)Almira Los Dos Grenache/Syrah 2004 (Spain)
The Spain of my dreams
Wine flows freely from faucets
Purple ripe country

157)Domaine Monpertuis Cepage Counoise 2003 (France)
Syrah's shy cousin
rarely leaves the house to blend
Such deep, soulful eyes

156)Rust En Vrede Estate 1999 (South Africa)
Chocolate green peppers
Soft round breasts in a steel bra
Pick mushrooms naked

155)Man Vintners Pinotage 2004 (South Africa)
'Man' is right - way fresh
Sweet spice & fresh squeezed OJ
Let's warm up that quiche!

154)Domaine Du Prieure Pinot Noir 2004 (France)
Shy depth and finish
But right for a long second
I'll take the moment

153)Spice Route Flagship Merlot 2000 (South Africa)
A tongue massager
Finale, not a finish
Brain taffy turner

152) Rosemount Estate Diamond Label Shiraz 2004 (Australia)
Just your basic drink
But a groovy spearmint twist
sparkles the windup

151)Monte Velho Alentjano 2004 (Portugal)
Naive & Joyful
Unaware of her beauty
Loves to turn you on

150)Excelsior Cabernet 2004 (South Africa)
At first, a bit green
With some funky band-aid notes
Day two, much improved

149)Marquis Phillips Cabernet 2004 (Australia)
Hate these damn screw caps
Without the pop, there's no bang!
Not that this needs it...

148)Tait 'The Ballbuster' Shiraz-Cab-Merlot 2004 (Australia)
Fruit-driven monster
Catchy name, big alcohol,
Little mystery

147)The Little Penguin Pinot Noir 2004 (Australia)
Poor Mr. Pinot
They went and cut out his brain
Now he just smiles

146)Frei Brothers Alexander Valley Reserve Cabernet 2001 (California)
No clear finish line
Jacknife diver doubles back
Olympic medal

145)Frei Brothers Dry Creek Valley Reserve Merlot 2002 (California)
A deep chocolate bomb
Merlot gets a bad rap, but
What does the crowd know?

144)Stonehaven Shiraz 2004 (Australia)
Yea, right. Shiraz. Sure.
That there is raspberry juice!
I ain't no damn fool

143)Louis B. Martini Sonoma County Cabernet 2002 (California)
Once again struck dumb
By a very nice bottle
And I could care less

142)Terra Unica Tempranillo-Monastrell Riserva 2000 (Spain)
Pastel waterfall
A sweet patch of clear blue sky
Cherished innocence

141)Tierra Del Fuego 2004 (Argentinia)
Fresh for a second
Then chlorine and iodine
Fought for prominence

140)Rosso di Montalcino, Caparzo, Vendemmia 2000 (Italy)
Sleepy antique store
Box full of faded postcards
Wine to browse life by

139)Gallo Barrelli Creek Vineyard Cabernet 1997 (California)
Rich but neurotic
The house, car, country club and...
Psychiatrist's couch

138) Chateau Gruaud Larose 1983 (France)
Still quite the lady
But pictures in her scrapbook
Tell the real story

137)Vinasde Balbo Bonardo/Malbec 2004 (Argentina)
Clear, simple friendship
Of a blossoming fondness
Smile makes wonders

136) Scanavino Barbaresco 1999 (Italy)
Bracingly tannic
Faint leather chamomile breeze
Violet-filled boots

135)Terra Unica Cabernet/Merlot 2002 (Spain)
If I tasted blind
I might say it's Chianti
Call it a food wine

134)Tapiz Cabernet 1999 (Argentina)
One to fool your friends
Old & cheap, should have been shot
But thriving way hard

133)Tony's California Special 2005 (homemade in a garage in Queens, New York)
Tropical flavors
Hide a sicko sucker punch
Beaujolais as Port

132)Bodegas Olivares Altos De La Hoya Monastrell 2003 (Spain)
A bold expression
Of an oft overlooked grape
That always rewards

131)Monterra Red Medley Encore 1999 (California)
I sip as snow falls
A tightly knit seamless gem
Pretend fireplace

130)Chateau Bellevue Claribes Bordeaux 2003 (France)
Not much to report
Utterly lacking magic
See you back in Spain

129)Dinky Do Shiraz 2003 (Australia)
World's best five buck wine?
Brightly lit delicate fruit
Followed by darkness

128)The Wishing Tree Shiraz 2004 (Australia)
This one's got behind
A nice, plump and luscious one
Well rounded, but firm

127)'The Fifteen' (15% alcohol) Grenache 2001 (France)
Frankenstein grenache
Amped up like a crackhead Rhone
Two percent too high

126)Armida Russian River Valley Merlot 1998 (California)
Ham-fisted high-five
Plus Celray tonic finish
Ace with pastrami

125)Frei Brothers Redwood Creek Syrah 2002 (California)
Like a candy cane
That fell into the toilet
Gross, but kinda fun

124)Glass Mountain Quarry Syrah 2000 (California)
Dwarfed by home-cooked ribs
Syrah? Could be anything
Art opening swill

123)Glass Mountain Quarry Merlot 1999 (California)
The slam it down stuff
But it lifts its skirt slightly
To show off some leg

122)Quara Tannat 2004 (Argentina)
A cute wallflower
Called me from across the room
Charm gave way to lust

121)Vina Alarba 2003 (Spain)
This one's too yeasty
With a beer-like aftertaste
At war with itself

120)Mirassou Pinot Noir 2004 (California)
Oh, I don't like this
Unsweetened knockoff toothpaste
Was this made from grapes?

119)Fontal Tempranillo Crianza 2001(Spain)
Buttery finish
That seems to last forever
Spain is on a roll

118)Condesa de Leganza Crianza 1999 (Spain)
Smoke a nice cigar
With a mouthful of cherries
You get the picture

117)Fairview Goats Do Roam In Villages 2003 (South Africa)
The label's a scream
But the wine is Elton John
More glitz than glamour

116)Gaudon Rioja 2003 (Spain)
It's a sweet & hot
Fruit-filled Spanish dixieland
Blood orange trumpets

115)Candido Salice Salentino Riserva 1998 (Italy)
Like a tart Pinot
With a brambly mid-section
Snarky hide & seek

114)KWV Cabernet 2000 (South Africa)
I found the fatness
It's like a big round grandma
That never lets go

113)Nadaria Annata Nero D'avola 2002 (Sicily)
Change of seasons wine
Dried fruit, gingerbread finish
October's Christmas

112)Barefoot Merlot 'no vintage' (California)
A nice chocolate nose
For only five lousy bucks
You could bathe in it

111)MandraRossa Shiraz 2002 (Sicily)
Sicilian Shiraz?
But its quite damp and lovely
With bite, charm, balance

110)DaVinci Chianti Classico 2001 (Italy)
It begins to speak
Then falls asleep mid-sentence
Never to wake up

109)Centro Max "Signature Bottle" 1997 (Italy)
Kryptonite of time
Has brought this one to its knees
Merely a shadow

108)Chappelet Sangiovese 1999 (California)
Visit more often
Italy's acidity
Softens over here

107)Santa Rita Floresta Syrah/Cabernet/Carmenere 1997 (Chile)
The most perfect day
Becomes a fond memory
Before its ending

106)Pellegrini Vineyards North Fork Merlot 1999 (Long Island, NY)
Barbecued handbag
Carpet cleaner marinade
Finishes like Scope

105)Mas Donis Barrica 2002 (Spain)
Threading the needle
It follows its follow through
Deep inquisition

104)Borsao Crianza 2001 (Spain)
A changeable wine
So confidently subtle
bobbing & weaving

103) 1707 Almansa Syrah/Cab/Merlot 2002 (Spain)
Here's a lousy drink
Parading as a good one
Empty oak barrels

102)Ironstone Cabernet Franc 2000 (California)
Amazing bouquet!
Beautiful girl, whiny voice
Better as perfume

101)Colosi Sicilia 2003 (Italy)
Sip with your eyes closed
Imagine the summer sun
Sweating sweet berries

100)Castano Hecula Yecla 2002 (Spain)
Tiny tangerines
And a nose most heavenly
A child's first fist

99)Kautz Library Collection Meritage 1993 (California)
Comfortably restrained
Almost a Pinot-like nose
With licks of saddle

98)Panarroz Jumilla 2003 (Spain)
Fat luscious droplets
Another Spanish hat trick
Three grapes & five stars

97)Deliecato Monterey Vine Select Syrah 1998 (California)
Fennel and Cassis
Both have seen me through the years
A toast to friendship!

96)Gordon Brothers Merlot 1999 (Washington)
Gently cooked green beans
Mints hidden in the pillows
Thick plummy whispers

95)Gordon Brothers Syrah 2000 (Washington)
A very strange one
Couldn't stand up to dinner
But worked as dessert

94)Chateau d'or et de Gueles 2001 (France)
Where there's Mourvedre
There's some high jumpin' honey
Cheapo razzmatazz

93)Castel Vinde Syrah 2003 (France)
Flying to Paris
A bit disoriented
Not bad for plane wine!


92)Don Aldo Merlot 2000 (Chile)
Funky & Skanky
An overripe plum pudding
Left out in the rain


91)Bodegas Luan Castilla VT "Equis" 2003 (Spain)
A thin, angry wine
a small dog chained to a wall
Good length, but what for?


90)One.9 (carbs per glass) Merlot 2002 (California)
Like wine that's been raped
A hole cut from its center
For diet Nazis

89)False Bay Pinotage 2002 (South Africa)
Not one false note here
Funky and approachable
Smoke up some ham hocks

88)Artazuri Navarra 2003 (Spain)
A punning trickster
Presents itself silky sweet
Then, a tart back flip

87)Borsao Tres Picos Garnacha 2003 (Spain)
It's all in the glass
The sun on the horizon
Vines heavy with fruit

86)Navarro Correas Malbec 2003 (Argentina)
Dark chocolate building
Grape button elevator
Only six floors, though

85)Guigal Gigondas 2001(Rhone, France)
This needed a day
To finally make up its mind
a quirky natural

84)Guilliams Estate Cabernet 1995 (California)
Dry blackberry way
Sweetened up as the night passed
Fast ball high & tight

83)Red Bicyclette Syrah 2002 (France)
Uncomplicated
And as fresh as a spring rain
I'm common, sue me

82)Spinelli Tratturo Montepulciano D'Abruzzo 2003 (Italy)
Tightly wrapped dried fruit
Lots of bright front mouth flavor
A tart small tit wine

81)Frei Brothers Russian River Pinot Noir 2003(California)
A fine, brooding drink
Perfect for a lousy day
Or a crappy night

80)Masseria del Pilone Primitivo Salento 2002 (Italy)
Heavy ceder box
Filled up with Cuban cigars
and dried blueberries

79)King Fish Cabernet 2003 (California)
I trowel for cheap wines
I plow the bins for bargains
But cheap gets boring

78)Allanca Classico Riserva 1998 (Portugal)
Leather glove headboard
Sandy vines on the upswing
Gold-plated work day

77)BaDa Bing 2001 (France)
BaDa Bing my ass
It's simple French vin de pays
Please don't tell Tony

76)Western Desert Shiraz 2000 (Australia)
Mr. Generic
A happy little house wine
The Big Mac of Grapes

75)Rancho Zabaco Zinfandel Reserve 2001(California)
Country wine moonshine
Zinfandel, the people's grape
Big fist slap n' slam

74)Swartland Pinotage 2000 (South Africa)
Pinotage rubber
Soft grapefruit on the backbone
Props to the oddball

73)Cheviot Bridge Cabernet Merlot 2000 (Australia)
Very perfumed nose
It also tastes like perfume
Castrated poodle

72)Alameda Cabernet Vintner's Selection 1998 (Chile)
Faded but holding
(not unlike many of us!)
Tears against the twine

71)Estrella Pinot Noir 2001(California)
For only eight bucks
A tangle of wood & fruit
Life, you surprise me!

70)Crocodile Rock Merlot(Australia)
Florid & friendly
Sweet candy, tart follow through
Very silly name

69)Crocodile Rock Shiraz(Australia)
This one is poison
Nothing worse than bad Shiraz
For mother-in-law

68)Yellow Tail Shiraz Reserve Casella Estate 2002 (Australia)
You turn up your nose
You despise the kangaroo
But the drink is wide

67)Mederos de San Juan Tannat 2000 (Uruguay)
Tannat means tannic
Close your eyes and pucker up
Cantankerous sips

66)Juvenas Cabernet Reserva 1995 (Spain)
Under normal layres
Hints of complex character
Traffic on the road


65)EA Tinto Vinho Regional Alentejano 2003 (Portugal)
Steroid Beaujolais
Berries jumping from the glass
Lay back and deep dream


64)Santa Rita Medalla Real Cabernet 2001 (Chile)
Soft earth, musk, cassis
Hiding like a shy lover
No food, just Schubert


63)Shale Ridge Monterey Syrah 2003 (California)
Happy Homebody
Late afternoon's time to spare
Sweet sincerity


62)Ibernoble Crianza 1997 (Spain)
Deep, wide, and noble
A layer of butter on top
Sausage cigarettes


61)Michel Picard Bourgogne 1996 (France)
Thorny & rusty
Prickly bristles and crushed leaves
French post-Romantic


60)Aquinas Cabernet 2002 (Napa)
I remember well
The lazy beach day picnic
Clearly something's changed


59)Veramonte Primus 2002 (Chile)
Belgian chocolate
Winter dreams of summertime
Mahagony room


58)Bella Sera Merlot 2001 (Italy)
What makes cheap wine cheap?
Everything here is tiny
A friendly munchkin


57)Tyrrell's Long Flat Shiraz 2001 (Australia)
Fat ripe fruit that's fun
I like a giggle just fine
But only laughs here


56)Bertani Rosso Di Vaerzella 1997 (Italy)
This bottle cried out,
"Give me pasta and red sauce"
It soon found its bliss


55)Cartlidge & Brown Pinot Noir 2002 (California)
Rustic dimensions
A walk through a damp forest
Underpriced by half


54)Garrafeira Tinto Palmela 1995 (Portugal)
Weird but great bottle
Nose of spicy cinnamon
Strong taste of…mustard!


53)S’forno Monastrel 2002 (Spain)
A pair of work boots
Marinated in honey
Wish it saw some wood


52)Chateau Grimard 2002 (Bordeaux)
No oak here at all
Instructive and sobering
Naked old lady


51)Cline Ancient Vines Zinfandel 1998 (California)
Liquid cigar box
From an overgrown forest
homemade cola fruit


50)Cactus Creek Zinfandel (Napa) 2002
A bomb of cocoa
Dressed in a robe of crimson
Glassful of cupcake


49)MacMurray Pinot Noir (California Coastal) 1999
Cinnamon smile
Memory of candy canes
Sweet as My Three Sons


48)MacMurray Pinot Noir (Russian River) 2001
Film noir darkness
Silky spice sits on the tongue
California breeze


47)Villa Maria Merlot/Cabernet Private Bin (New Zealand) 2001
Warm, simple, fat fun
Perfect for a drinking game
Stretch out a spring day


46)Fortius, Cabernet (Spain) 1999
Blackberry tannins
Deep vanilla licorice
Power of balance


45)Gordon Brothers, Cabernet (Columbia Valley, Washington) 1999
Wine with breast implants
squeezing out every last drop
Pump up the volume


44)Quatro, Cabernet (Napa, California) 1998
No two sips the same
Dusty berry attic dreams
Honey on the vine


43)Quatro, Zinfandel (Napa, California) 1999
Effervescent hints
A dream of soda bubbles
Friendly as a dog


42)Julienas, DeBeouf (Beaujolais, France) 2003
Summer strawberries
Extracted & exploded
Juice squeezed from the sun


41)Moulin-A-Vent, DeBeouf (Beaujolais, France) 2003
Blueberry hot sauce
Summer is a state of mind
Let us all relax


40)Diamondback Vineyards Cabernet (Mendocino, California) 1999
Copperhead hissing
Iron bars in oak barrels
All it eats is steak


39)Mas De La Dame, Coin Cache (Provence, France) 1999
Pointless without food
Dry like a bone in a bone
Chalky leather soul


38)Santa Rita Reserva, Cabernet (Chile) 2000
Ol’ Reliable
Pull up a chair, my good friend
Millennium gift


37)Chateau La Croix (Pomerol, France) 1973(!)
Old and shot to shit
Mushroom, dung, and dirty roads
Still, there’s elegance


36)Rancho Zabaco Reserve Zinfandel (California) 2000
Do I drink this stuff
Or pour it over pancakes?
Deepest of purples


35)Napa Ridge Pinot Noir (California) 2000
Like a Burgundy
With a crude lobotomy
No dirt here, just fruit


34)Ironwood Petite Syrah (California) 2000
A nighttime promise
Dark as any I have seen
But tepid like tea


33)Antoine Rodet Gevrey-Chambertin (France) 1998
The nose was like dog
Soaking wet from heavy rain
But it drank like dreams


32)Vitticio Riserva (Italy) 2000
New wave Chianti
Sangiovese/Merlot
Italian God Juice


31)Rosenthal Merlot (California) 1997
No, it ain’t Kosher
A damp glass of flesh and oak
A walk through the woods


30)Santa Rita Medalla Real (Chile) 2000
This is just too good
For the price that it goes for
A prism of taste


29)Pepperwood Grove Merlot (California) 2001
Cheap and mass-produced
The snobs will hold their noses
Their loss and who cares?


28)Vina Pomal Rioja Riserva (Spain) 1997
Underneath the bull
It can sometimes smell like this
Secrets of the barn


27)Falesco Vitiano (Umbria, Italy) 2002
Sometimes the balance
In a wine is beautiful
Like here. What a deal.


26)Domaine De La Solitude (Rhone, France) 2000
Minty pepper ghost
I could drink this every day
And never get bored


25)Marquis Phillips Shiraz (Australia) 2002
A velvet hammer
The blood of an animal
Heretofore unknown


24)Calina Cabernet (Chile) 1999
An ugly label
But wine that tastes like fine tea
Brewed with juice from plums


23)Carmen Reserve Pinot Noir (Chile) 1999
Some people like this
I could barely swallow it
Mogen David’s Ghost


22)Protocolo (Spain) 2000
Nothing cheaper here
Five bucks and really quite good
Xerox Cotes Du Rhone


21)Evans King’s Valley Cabernet (Australia) 1998
So lightly lemoned
Like Bordeaux on vacation
Let’s see more like this


20)Chateaux Timberlay (Bordeaux, France) 1995
Holding up nicely
Nose of moss, gravel, and peat
Oak barrel mother


19)BV Napa Valley Cabernet (California) 1997
Yea, OK, it’s great
But there’s too much oak for me
Ripe fruit spanked by wood


18)LA Cetto Petite Sirah (Baja, Mexico) 1999
First a big hello
Then a very quick goodbye
Like it wasn’t there


17)Bertani Bardolino Classico (Italy) 2000
When it’s cracked open
It tastes like fruit and rubber
Then it drinks like rain


16)Santa Rita 120 Carmenere (Chile) 2001
Clean as the whole truth
Surprisingly long finish
This makes Sammy run


15)Cotes Du Rhone "Parallele 45" (France) 2001
Thin and not much nose
But man, does this bad boy jump!
Stiff blast of pepper


14)Pepi Two Hearts Sangiovese (California) 1997
Chianti-like? No.
Closer to a Beaujolais
Grandpa’s favorite dress


13)Bottega Vinaia Trentino Lagrein (Italy) 1999
Cut grass & leather
An open conversation
That unfolds slowly


12)Smoking Loon Syrah (California) 1999
Tasty Big Round Fruit
And a surprising finish:
A Nestle’s Crunch Bar!


11)Out Of The Blue Pinotage (South Africa) 2003
Horrible label
But nice chocolate alcohol
And hints of band aids


10)Clos Du Chapitre (Burgundy) 1981
Had to take a sip
Out of curiosity
Like suckling a corpse


9)Stella & Mosca Tanca Farra 2000 (Sardinia)
Shy, but good balance
Not overly anything
Another bottle


8)San Luca Poggio Dei Poggi 1995 (Tuscany)
My goodness gracious
Pure velvet saturation
Every sip a star


7)Lakespring Merlot 1996 (Napa)
Alcohol blew off
To reveal sumptuous notes
Of Colgate toothpaste!


6)Chateau Puech-Haut 2001 (Langudoc)
I like liquorice
When it’s tight & taut like this
No attitudes here


5)Louis B. Martini Napa Valley Reserve Cabernet 2000
Everything correct
Tannins & acidity
Bored me to pieces


4)Borsao Campo De Borja 2003 (Spain)
Whats wrong with Kool-aid?
With Guacomole I made
It’s freshly cut lawn


3)Jacob’s Creek Cabernet/Merlot 2002 (Australia)
Celery Cola
Tried so hard to be pretty
No drive in this dive


2)Penascal Tempranillo 2000 (Spain)
Interestng finish
I'm reminded of ashes
Just too watery


1)Kunde Merlot 2000 (Sonoma)
Uninspiring
A hot dog and its owner
Looking for the car



Besides sucking down wine and writing verse, Lane Steinberg is a songwriter and member of the popular music group, Tan Sleeve. Check out his music